According to my birth certificate and all the official documents, and what my birth parents call me, my name is Chris. Well actually sometimes it's Christopher. Oh well, it's only a name to label myself in this world full of labels.
Ever since I needed my birth certificate as proof of my existence, which must have been ever since like age 19 or 20, when I was finally allowed to get my driver's license I realized I had been putting the wrong city of birth. I always thought I was born in San Jose, but actually the hospital was in another city. But anyways I can't tell you everything about me, hey honestly why would you want to know everything about me. You want to steal my identity? Okay I'll leave you with this, I'm officially 21.

So what do I bubble in for my nationality- well I just always assumed I was Chinese American. When I began my first year at De Anza Community College I started labeling myself 5th generation. Something sparked in me ever since that label. Both good and bad things came out. In bad ways I started questioning what 5th generation meant. I couldn't speak my native language fluently. So then if I can't even represent the Chinese culture, I'm not really a Chinese person. I guess you could call me ABC(American Born Chinese), or you can hate me and call me white-washed. In a good way it lead me to trying to appreciate my ancestors, elders, and understand my story. The story that doesn't start at my birth but starts ealier. But the ultimate question is does it start in America or does it go back to my homeland in China. As terrororism and national security becomes a common fear, I question myself what is my home if I was asked to leave the country. If my home America or is it China? On my mom's side who's like 3rd generation her parents often visit their China homeland. On my dad's side who's 4th generation is still fluent in Cantonese, very assimilated, but also very educated in Chinese customs. He's always given me an emphasis to retain my Chinese customs by speaking Cantonese. So I view my expectation of speaking Cantonese a failure. This leads me to my current status that there is a hatred, a hesitation to my Chinese pride because I feel I don't deserve to be labeled a 5th generation Chinese American.